


Six Too Many

by Sloth_Race



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cullen Rutherford Fluff, Drinking, Drunken Flirting, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, POV Cullen Rutherford, Pre-Relationship, Teasing, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7068124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sloth_Race/pseuds/Sloth_Race
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen is awakened late one night when he hears Sera and the Inquisitor drinking on the battlements. He chivalrously escorts them back to bed, albeit in an unorthodox way.</p><p>(Cullen's point of view as he deals with a clumsily flirty Inquisitor.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Too Many

There were, Cullen mused, some advantages to having a large hole in the roof above your bedroom. Unfortunately, the ability to hear drunk people stumble out of the tavern was not one of them.  Worse still, tonight’s drunks had decided to step up their game; from the sounds of it, they were loitering on battlements right outside his tower.

Cullen rolled over in bed, pulling a pillow over his head with a sigh. He had been unwillingly listening to them for about half an hour now. One person, he reluctantly observed, was speaking in amused but inaudible tones. The other person was Sera.

Cullen had fervently hoped that they’d either leave or pass out somewhere, but he also knew that Sera had stamina when it came to drinking. Normally, he was willing to ignore her drunken antics, but when she let out a particularly loud whoop that he heard through the pillow, Cullen had had enough. He flung the pillow to the foot of the bed in frustration.

He was going to solve this. Now.

He quickly clambered out of bed and tugged on the shirt and pants he had worn the day before. Forgoing socks, he roughly stepped into his boots and climbed down the ladder angrily, all the while thinking of the best way to get Sera to go to bed. She tended to respond poorly to yelling; he found that out the hard way when she released a greased nug into the barracks last month. He would have found it funny except that the tiny animal had run amok for an hour, knocking over shields and getting tiny, creepy handprints over everything. The debacle only ended when a scout managed to shoo it out the front gate. He and Sera had engaged in a brief yelling match in the courtyard after that, with her calling him every crass name under the sun.  

Thankfully, they were on better terms now. She could even be endearing sometimes. Not tonight, though. 

Stepping outside his tower, Cullen spotted two people-shaped shadows leaning on the parapets not twenty feet from his tower. The Sera-shaped person seemed to be gleefully throwing things off the battlements.

As he walked closer, he realized the other person was ... the Inquisitor. To his surprise, Evelyn Trevelyan was leaning on the parapet with her back to him, pushing herself up on her tip-toes as she tried to watch whatever it was that Sera was throwing.

Tamping down his irritation, he walked up beside them, dragging his boots a little so they wouldn’t startle.

“Commander!” Eve slurred when she saw him. “How’re you?” She smiled brightly and Cullen couldn’t help but smile back at how disheveled she looked. Her long blond hair, which had been braided into a low knot, had started to come undone. A peach-colored flower had been woven into her hair, but even in the moonlight, Cullen could see that it had been squished all to hell. He decided that he didn’t want to know the full extent of their drunken shenanigans. 

“Truthfully?” He answered. “I’m tired, Inquisitor. What are you doing out here?” He had tried to make the question sound conversational, but it came out like an accusation. Eve didn’t seem to notice.

“Sera found some stale cookies in the kitchens. She wanted to get rid of them.”

“Shitty, shitty cookies.” Sera clarified with a sloppy grin. “Who puts raisins in frigging cookies?”

She looked absolutely hammered, he noticed. The slim elf had a long smudge of ash over her cheek and a wet mark on her tunic, presumably where she had spilled a drink on herself. Despite her state, Cullen noted that her speech was a little clearer than Evelyn’s. He silently chalked it up to experience.

As if to demonstrate her seething hatred of raisin cookies, Sera pulled one from her pocket and hurled it over the wall, eagerly listening as it fell. 

“I see.”  Cullen replied politely. “Don’t you think it’s time to go to bed?”

Sera shrugged. “I would, but I know I’ll fall and eat the stairs, yeah? Safer up here, throwing stuff.”

“Is it though?” He responded dryly. “You realize I can hear you from my room? It’s not the easiest to sleep when you two are out here. …Throwing things.”

Sera lounged sloppily against the stone, a challenging grin on her face. “Look at you, all serious. Serves you right for having a hole in your ceiling.”

Cullen dragged a hand down his stubble, hearing it rasp against his palm. He thought about telling Sera to just bloody well go to bed and stop wasting food, but he knew that wouldn’t go well. 

“If you want me to get lost, you can carry me.” She announced, crossing her arms over her breasts. She grinned fiercely, showing too many teeth.

“Carry you?” He repeated incredulously.

“Right. You need me to shut my gob. I need to get back down the stairs without breaking my neck. Fair trade, yeah?”

Cullen rubbed his neck, his voice strained.  “I …Alright." He sighed. "I’ll take you as far as the tavern. Just…. don’t try anything odd.”

The thin elf waggled her eyebrows suggestively at the Inquisitor and then inelegantly moved to clamber up Cullen’s back. Once safely perched on him, she wrapped her arms around his neck, piggyback style.

Cullen huffed out a breath. “Sera, you smell like you fell in a distillery tank.” 

“Yeah? That’d be nice. Might sting though. In places.” She nodded, sagely.

“Probably.” Cullen agreed distractedly. He felt a bit idiotic with Sera clutching his back, but it was better than going back to bed and letting her continue to holler outside his tower.

With Sera firmly settled, he glanced to the Inquisitor who was watching the whole spectacle with an impish grin on her face. It was then that Cullen realized she was wearing a dress - a rare event. Despite the cold spring weather, she was wearing a simple grayish-blue cotton dress with white cuffs that had been turned up near her elbows. She was, he thought guiltily, his kind of pretty. 

“Alright, Inquisitor?” He asked kindly.

Eve nodded confidently, barely wobbling at all. “I can walk jus’ fine. Lead the way.”

Cullen nodded in response, then paused, thinking back to the war council meeting they had had that afternoon. “Ah… Don’t you have some trade negotiations tomorrow morning with those Antivan merchant princes? Because I suspect Josephine will have your head tomorrow if you're hung over."

The inquisitor blinked slowly, her eyes a little glassy. “Oh. Shit. I forgot about that.”

“Ah. Well. Nothing to be done now.” Cullen replied, quietly amused. “Let’s get you two to bed.”

Carefully picking his way down the stone steps, he made sure to stay in front of Eve in case she missed her footing.  He felt like he was in a very ridiculous parade, with the Inquisitor intently watching her own feet as she descended, the tip of her tongue between her teeth as she concentrated, and a drunken elf hanging off his shoulders.

“So. Bed, eh?” Sera asked belatedly as they neared the bottom of the stairs. “Are you going to keep your hands to yourself, Cully-Wully? Because Bull thinks you have a thing for blondes.”

Cullen hefted her up a bit more roughly than was necessary. “You do remember that I’m doing you a favor, right?”

Sera snorted. “You’re doing yourself a favor by getting our arses away from your tower. Although we should drink there more often, since we get a free ride home.” She jabbed him lightly in the shoulder. “Next time, go for some corporeal punishment if you’re angry, yeah? You can give the Quiz a good spanking …”

“Alright, we’re here.” He said quickly, cutting Sera off. They had miraculously made the short journey to the tavern in one piece. He eased Sera down, and then held open the tavern door for her with one hand while she found her feet. “Next time, choose another tower to be loud near.”  The lanky elf swayed a bit in the doorway, so he gave her a gentle motivational spank on her ass that caused her stumble forward slightly into the tavern. “Go on." He encouraged. "Be free.”

Cullen took his hand away to let the door swung shut, but not before he saw Sera direct a shocked “Did you see that?!” expression towards the Inquisitor. “What’d I say about spank….” The door shut with a thud, muffling the rest of her comment.

The courtyard was blissfully silent, save for the slight sputtering noise of the torch on the wall of the tavern.

“Do you think she’ll be okay to get to bed?” Eve asked, seemingly oblivious to their exchange.

“I think Sera can find her way to her room from the main floor while drunk. From what I hear, she’s done it several hundred times before.” Cullen observed wryly. 

“Maybe more.” Eve nodded, distractedly pushing a loose strand of hair from her eyes. 

"Yes. Probably." Cullen held his arm out to Eve. “Time to get you to bed.”

Eve linked her arm through Cullen’s, her eyes watching him intently in the torchlight. “Don’ worry.” She mumbled. “I will be on my bes’ behavior in the Great Hall. Too many nobles watching.”

Cullen nodded. “As much as I wish you didn’t need to be so guarded … that’s a good plan.”

They walked in comfortable silence across the courtyard while Eve leaned lightly on him for support. After successfully navigating the staircase, they entered the Great Hall and he was relieved to see it empty, save two guards.

“I know how this looks.” Eve slurred quietly as they passed out of the guard's hearing range. He glanced down at her and saw she was staring ahead at the stained glass windows, her eyes unfocused. Cullen wasn’t quite sure what she was referring to, so he waited patiently to see if there was more. 

“I shouldn’t have got carried away at the tavern. It’s jus’… Do you know what I did this week?” In the low light of the Great Hall, he could see her eyebrows knit in a troubled frown.

“I know you were in the Exalted Plains. From what I’ve heard, it’s not … a good situation.”

She nodded. "We spent two days retrieving letters from dead soldiers so their families might have some idea of what happened to them. I remember one letter was just a drawing of a heart, rolled up inside a ring.” She was quiet for a moment. “Sometimes, it’s the little memories that are the hardest to deal with.”

Cullen didn't trust himself to speak, so he nodded instead.

After a moment, she seemed to shake herself. “Anyway.  Here we are.”  

 They had arrived at the door to her quarters, which she patted fondly. Cullen moved to her side and pushed it open before guiding her inside. Beside him, he heard Eve make an unimpressed noise as they entered.

“Void take it." She growled.  "Why’d they put my quarters in a tower?”

Cullen noticed that she was still slurring heavily. “Are you okay to climb the stairs on your own?”

Eve blew a loose strand of hair from her eyes, then shook her head slowly. “As much as it hurts my pride to say it, I think I still need your help.”

Cullen hesitated. "Do you want me to carry you as well?" It was one thing to carry Sera to the tavern, but another thing entirely to give a piggy back ride to the Herald of Andraste. It was a weird night. 

The look she gave him in response was sharp and devilish, but she replied with a simple “Yes, please.”

“Come on then.” Cullen jerked his head, beckoning her over. “This doesn’t leave this tower though.”

Eve laughed, a bubbly delighted noise. “Agreed.”

Moving around to his back, she placed her hands on his broad shoulders and clumsily hopped up. Cullen wrapped his forearms under her thighs and hitched her up, making sure she was firmly in place.

“All good?” He asked, trying to ignore the fact that she was wearing a dress with no stockings on, so his arms were looped under her very bare thighs.

“We’re good.” She replied. Eve, he realized, smelled just as boozy as Sera had. The two of them must have given the tavern a run for its money.

“Oh. Hey. Good job with Sera t’night.” Eve commented as he began to trudge up the stairs. “Not everyone handles her well.” 

Cullen smiled crookedly. “I have no idea why that might be. By the way… Did you know that she once put bees in my training dummy?”

Eve chuckled. "That’s clever.” At Cullen’s indignant snort, Eve continued. “I mean, in a crazy sort of way.” To his surprise, he felt Eve rest her head against his shoulder and he could feel her warm breath on the back of his neck where his collar ended. He tried to ignore how very pleasant it was.

"One time," She went on, "Sera put lizards in Solas’ bed roll when we were in the Emerald Graves. D'you know what he did when he found them?"

“No idea.” He replied as they turned the corner. “Studied them?”

 “No. Just picked them up and put them by a rock. And then… and he went to bed. He had no reaction at all.”

“Maybe he went to go dream about them.” 

Eve ignored him and kept up her rambling. “Bull, too. You can’t tease him, but it’s different. Last week, Sera stole Bull’s pants while he was in the lake bathing. You know his big, striped pants?” Cullen nodded. “So she stole his pants and hid them up a tree, thinking that he’d get frustrated. Bull just got out of the lake, realized that Sera had hid his clothes, and walked back into camp without any pants on as if that was normal.”

Eve huffed a laugh in his ear as she told her story. “Bull gave Dorian this slow wink as he walked past the camp fire, which got Dorian pretty flustered.” She paused for a moment, thinking about it. “Dorian totally loved it.”

Cullen felt Eve slipping down his back a little, so he gently hitched her up further. “Why would he love it?”

“Because he and Bull have a thing going.”

Cullen blinked. “A thing? … Wait. Really?”

He heard Eve sniff. “Where have you been?”

“In my tower, writing up endless troop rotation schedules, contingency plans, and construction updates?” 

He reached her door and tried the handle. To his surprise, it was unlocked. He gave the door a push with his foot and waited for the door to swing open all the way before he entered. Eve didn’t seem budge from her spot on his back, so he began climbing the smaller flight of stairs up to her bedroom proper.

“Right. Thank you for that, by the way.” Eve remarked. “But yes. There’s something between those two. Good and forbidden, though, so I don’t think they’ve done much yet. A Tevinter and a Qunari …  makes a good story. Like templars and mages.” He could practically hear her wink.

Cullen’s heart squeezed tightly in his chest. “No doubt.” He replied, his voice carefully neutral as they reached the top of the stairs. “And here we are.”

He turned and eased her down off his back, feeling guilty for enjoying the way her body slid down his. He tried not to shiver at how soft she felt against him.

Once her boots were safely on the floor, he turned to look at her. With amusement, he saw that the hem of her dress had flipped up a little and her hair was even more disheveled than before. Without thinking, he gently tugged the crushed flower out her hair and held it out to her. She looked up at him, her eyes round and serious in the dim candlelight of the room.

“You… ah. Probably don’t want to sleep on this, Inquisitor.”

Eve took the flower and twirled distractedly it between her two fingers, her eyes watching him intently.

 “Thank you, Cullen.”

Cullen inclined his head politely, a little nervous of her thoughtful expression and the fact that they were standing in her bedroom at night. Alone.

 “So. Ah.” He rubbed his neck self-consciously. “Stay away from the balconies tonight.”

Eve laughed, wobbling a little on her feet. “Don’t worry. I’m just going to have a drink of water and then go to bed. And maybe pee. Not in that order.” She paused, thinking it through. “I don’t trust myslef on the balconies either.” 

“Safe plan.” Cullen nodded.

“I should probably get undressed though.” She beamed mischievously. “You wanna…” She waggled an eyebrow at him.

Cullen felt his face flush. Hard. She often teased him, but this was abrupt and miles more blatant than most of her comments.

“That, ah… wasn’t one of your subtler attempts, Eve.” He tried to sound professionally detached, but he could hear the mirth in his own voice.

She barked a laugh. “Nope. No. Not at all.” She agreed. “Worth a try.”

 Cullen smiled and began to head down the stairs. “Good night, Eve.” Reaching her door, he turned. “Remember. Avoid the balconies.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning at breakfast, Cullen was surprised to see both Sera and the Inquisitor at the long table in the Great Hall. Neither looked particularly happy to be there.

Both ignored him as he slid into a chair across from the Inquisitor. Her hair was loose and she had one elbow propped up on the table, the side of her face pressed into her palm. Both her eyes were shut and she was the picture of discomfort. Sera, meanwhile, had her face down on the table, her hair obscuring her features.

Cullen bit back his amusement and picked up a piece of toast from a nearby platter. “How are you feeling today, ladies?” 

“…Piss up a rope.” Sera mumbled dully, not raising her head.

Eve cracked an eye open and somehow managed to give him the world’s most unimpressed look without moving a single muscle. “Not a word, Rutherford. Not. One. Word.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place about a month before the events in another story I posted ("Orlais Gets it Right"). That one is taking a bit more time to complete than I had originally thought, but I'm hoping to have it done shortly.
> 
> Spelling mistakes are supposed to be Eve's fumbly mispronunciation of words. Hopefully.


End file.
